Hello DestinyMaker's,

I have received tens of messages the past 24 hours since I announced "this could be" the final ride for epilepsy awareness. First I must say I will never abandon our community. I must though take a realistic view of my current situation. Realistic is a word I have avoided many times in my life. How can I keep sustaining my efforts in awareness without the kind of help needed. I am not asking for the world or slice of the moon. I just want enough to sustain the efforts and live above the stresses created by not knowing of tomorrow I will have enough money to eat. I can't go on for my sake nor my son living in a manner such as this. Though it's been my behavior out of marriage to get to this point and be comfortable on it. It sort of has it's way of shattering any complacency. Can't rest on you laurels without a dime to feed you child. What can I do to find someone who believes in the efforts of destinymaker enough to see that I can meet just the basics beyond the below basic now. I know there are many out there suffering worse then me. I currently live in a awesome place. I ride a bike and play tennis everyday. How lucky I am. In my irresponsibility I have a unique discipline that has allowed me to stay one step away from complete colapse and this take enormous strength that I am not sure I have left. I will never abandon the epilepsy community. I will still send out articles and information at the destinymaker facebook page. I will keep the destinymaker website though without someone currently handling it that to is in a state of flux. I will still do my 24 hour ride on new year's. I will ride even if no one shows up or media coverage is bare. I will ride as a reminder of the days and nights of no sleep tending to Nyle. I will walk/run/crawl if I must 50 miles on Valentine Day as a reminder to me of the love I have for my son. I just don't know if I can do cross country summer rides without the sponsorship to do so. I come back every trip with the penny I started out with. It's painful. Stressful. Not fair to my son who needs me to step up more as his needs are changing. My thoughts of a cycling touring company if successful would allow me tho live of life of basic means, tour the country which I love. Epilepsy awareness will still be a huge part of my life. Just maybe all of this won't need to change as something might occur to alter all of this thinking.

I was out early cycling. I took the day off from running, walking or lifting. I felt a little tired from the stress of all this inner thinking. I know if my focus is not perfect injury can occur. I have learn through the years not to chance it.

I went to lunch today at the "juice". There unexpectedly meeting "skippy" and I were "Stretch" and Sarit. Now I know better to think this way but what a beautiful woman. I tried to get together with her after meeting her recently. Well play tennis as a way of getting to know her. It didn't work out which is fine. At lunch though she wanted to play. We met at the court only to find out we were unable to play due to circumstances. We ended up having a warm conversation and touched on subjects that make me somewhat uncomfortable. She did so without judgement. It was time to teach tennis. I could have spoken the rest of the day. I have missed conversations such as today's.

Time for tennis and work. I biked over the almost 5 mile ride to get there. I did that ride 3 times today. Somehow even if I am not up at 5am cycling I still get miles in. After tennis it was time for dinner. I ate then went home and fell asleep watchimg the Heat game. Nyle is great!!!!

Calling All Walkers

Registration for the 2010 National Walk for Epilepsy on Saturday, March 27, 2010 is now open.  Be one of the first to register for this annual event that unites thousands of passionate people on the National Mall in Washington, D.C. National Epilepsy Awareness Month is a perfect time to register your team and encourage family and friends to sign up.  Visit www.walkforepilepsy.org today.

Carol Fazioli commented on your status:

"we all do the best we can.  one day at a time. "

Laura sent you a message.

Subject: HELP!

"Hey Facebook Friends and Family--we need your help! PLEASE take just a moment of your time to vote for the IDEA League in the Chase Community Giving Challenge. All it takes is a couple of  clicks to help hundreds of children worldwide struggling with Dravet syndrome. Then spread the word and ask your friends to vote as well. It's so easy and can make such a huge difference! The money from this challenge would enable us to expand services for families and fund research that will lead to improved treatments, and one day, a cure, for this devastating condition. Please VOTE TODAY and spread the word!"

Hello DestinyMaker's,

Confronted with many of life's questions I must seek the advice of fate and rely on destiny. Along the way I need to be able to make choices based on intuition and intellect not ego. I must trust the journey more then my desire to change its path. Since the reality is I am unable to do so I find myself enamored with possibility.

As it stands now I have made the choice of doing next year's ride to Alaska. Was that ever really in doubt? No. I will begin mid April. My route as of now will see me back to some familiar places. Also exciting new ones as well. I will attempt my highest elevation and this will be my toughest trip as far as terrain is concerned. This will be my final ride for epilepsy awareness. I will do my 24 hour New Year's ride for Epilepsy. As far as the long ones are concerned this will be it. Of course I am not so naive to have anything set in stone. One sponsor would change all that. One Pharma company that sees the efforts I've undertaken and will take. That is asking alot from a company but the awareness I create is worth it. I would take a bike ride every until I turn 80 if possible. But I can't afford it anymore. I've decided to look into opening a bike tour company using my vast experience in cross country cycling and connections in the travel world. My idea goes like this...

Imagine a 7 day trip in the Rockies where you cycle to elevations of 12,000 ft. on roads that are edge in snow. Discovering America while discovery who you are. I would like to offer a week package that would include Airfare, Hotels, Food, Me. I will explain more in future blogs.

My meeting with a local person I met about some PR work was moved to Monday.

A normal day with exercise. Let's see there was cycling, walking, running, lifting, stretching, tennis. I would say a full day.

Nyle is doing great. I saw him at his bus stop. he informed me that his Mom got tickets to see something tomorrow and he would like to go. I said of course have a great time as I felt anguish inside. But my happiness for him was prevalent. My selfishness was there as well. I just didn't want to not have that night with my son.

Carol Freeman-Bullen commented on your wall post:

"What a wonderful tribute to Melanie!  Will you be in Calgary?"

Carol Freeman-Bullen commented on your wall post:

"I would like to meet you and of course donate.  Melanie had told me about meeting you.

Hello DestinyMaker's,

Today marks 5 months to the day I will be leaving for another epic bike ride to the great, wild Northwest of the Yukon, Territory and Alaska. This 5th annual ride raising epilepsy awareness will test my strength and will once again. All the training now never prepares. It does stiffen your resolve knowing that age is not on my side. I need to training twice as hard as before. This trip will see me to many different terrain and weather situations. I will be as ready as possible come next April. I just hope there is a plan to capitalize on my efforts both for raising money for destinymaker and personally for me.

I was out on the asphalt at 4:30am. It's time to take it to another gear. I rode 32 miles in 2 hours. Not so much for speed but to test my endurance and hamstring. All were in good order. Endurance wise the accident did set me back and it will be another month before I am the same.

I cam back and ran 5 miles in one hour. I lifted weights and went to play tennis. Overall still thankful to be alive after getting hit by a car and saved by an inch or 2. At 49 I still strive everyday. You see I have always had something to pursue in life. I think it's a key componet not only for me but you as well. It may be a goal or a solution but what ever you do dream and dream big because life is to short just to have lived it.

I had lunch and came back to apartment. I worked on destinymaker. I need to start really setting up a agenda for next year's trip. A local person who I recently met will meet with me this week. She might be able to help me with public relations. I can't do it all. I will tell you more about her in time. I enjoyed our first time meeting months back.

In the afternoon it was tennis, dinner. I settled in for the evening.

Paula Wood-Westberry commented on your status:

"Well Sir what are we to do about your annual Ride for Epilepsy and the Cruise?????"

Michelle Bohning commented on your status:

"Hi Mr Fenster how are you? I'm doing two christmas show next month"